– A poem about my life with Parvin –
The sweet chaos of life
by Klaus Kommoss
Waking in the dark this morning I listen to Parvin’s breath.
It was only a few times in the past fourteen thousand days
that I did not wake up next to her,
near to this wonderful woman beside me.
While the ice caps of this globe began melting and the sea slowly crept inland,
while the storms on this earth got more violent every year,
while wars and catastrophes raged blindly elsewhere
we easefully sailed through this life together.
While age gradually transformed our physical appearance
we joyfully wandered from day to day;
not me, not her, but this wonderful dream of “us”
that miraculously came true with the blink of an eye so many years ago.
We used to climb the mountains of life roped together,
protecting each other, depending on each other,
sometimes each walking a solitary path even with the other beside him.
But things arrive at their own schedule:
when we gradually began seeing the path and not some illusive destination
our love proved to be greater than the fear of falling.
She knows who I really am,
how I can never really see with my thoughts, but she can
with her love.
And I know her this way too.
We know this place where we are the same.
Today the rope is mostly slack between us.
Why connect what was never separate?
Here, on a planet that never stops turning, it’s hard to stop thinking of yourself,
but if you’re lucky, like me, you can lose sight of your Self
in this mysterious fog of love.
Sometimes I still freeze in the old fear of falling,
in despair for not understanding.
But if I patiently wait, the earth will carry me,
revolving once a day on its axis, orbiting once a year around our distant sun,
life ceaselessly unfolding in inexhaustible celebration,
and the sweet chaos of life will consume my heart away.
In her arms I always found the peace I never quite managed to find inside of myself.
What does it matter if I don’t get it
when my love can touch her and do its magic all by itself?
How often do I find myself sitting in the cave of my head with no way out?
and in the midst of the agony of ignorance
a swirl of this wonderful chaos sweeps me off
and I wake up outside in her arms with nothing to do but not interfering.
* * *
Klaus P+K day, May 29. 2011